Oh My, Achin’ Bacon


It was close to midnight, I figured that all the stores were closed down for the night. I knew so. Since, this town is very old-fashioned, militiarily speaking: very disciplined. Mainly, the stores have an 8pm close. If you have a problem, as I have, from thinking far ahead; complications, may find you at the oddest times! I am twisting in bed, trying to find a comfortable position! It is difficult. My tender ribs feel like my skin is stretching. A surreal feeling, like “if you could actually feel your hair growing!” An unusual side effect, I presume. I’m not suffering from: headaches, loss of bladder, elevated temperature, weight loss or gain. I am, in fact, hurting and this is most definitely a “gigantic, blaring, symptom!”

Ribs Healthcare

I had bruised my ribs last week, descending Five Steps; wearing dainty “cute sandals” I slipped and “BAM!” my left side, slams the railing. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart to the mastermind who invented rails! Thinking about how a conversation between the earlier builders about constructing beautiful, swirling, staircases — someone could fall to their death from the 2nd story, if there’s nothing to protect a misstep.”Do you agree, Sir?”

Oh yes indeed, Wallace, “What do you suggest?” He replies, just thinking out loud, “some sort of rail, descending from the top of the stairs to the bottom.” Well, I will check my budget, right away.  Wallace replies, “Please do so, if someone were to fall to their death or seriously injured, you may go bankrupt from a lawsuit.” Hence: insurance created, by this “conversation.” The rest is history, it was an ingenious, architectural plan, of which, I was an unknown recipient.

On another note of High Importance, I Thank God, for taking a a rib from Adam creating a woman! Instead of taking a toe, nose, or finger. Until you have a rib injury,  “a rib,” is just a 3-letter word. My friends, until you injure one, it’s just a measily ol’ rib. Ribs protect organs. A big job “these ribs,” are doing for the body. Do not underestimate this job by paying a slight federal minimum wage! It’s an actor, “Academy Award actor!” A rib should be praised! For if my rib had been initially installed in a lower quadrant, I would not be writing this, “I would be deceased!” The heart probably would have been popped from the intense slamming on the hard wooded railing. “I’m not kidding!” I suffered brief panic from the fall and then I got up! Initially, I felt okay! It was a few hours after the fall, that I would see changes, “Pain!”

Some information for naysayers that believe doctors are whacks or quacks!  Just because, you think there is no immediate pain and opt not to be seen by a medical doctor after an accident, “quit, thinking that way.” Its for your own good! At first glance I, had “No pain, just frightened!” I went about my usual business. Oh, did I mention, “Happy Mother’s Day,” oh yes, this was a “very unique gift,” upon departing a nice Sunday visit with other the mother’s, aside from myself — my mother and sister.

So, five hours later, my condition has changed to “pain.” Only if I move my body around in certain ways, fortunately.  “Pain is pain,” not really, though. I do not dare compare “my pain,” with a cancer victim, car wreck injuries, arthritic. I begin online googling my new condition. Duh, I know my ribs are bruised and they hurt. Poor things! This is real, breathing is a hurting sensation, as is, sneezing, coughing. Oh gosh! Upon, further reading, I have found if the ribs were, in fact, fractured or broken, I may encounter a severe problem that could damage my organs, collapsed lungs! Seriously, all this for missing a “step.” I will be more careful when walking anywhere, from “this day, forward.” Consequently, we should make little vows, to ourselves. If you should break it, well, it’s on “You” and no one should, or would Care, because its a little private pep-talk, you have made to yourself!

As anyone would, I go to the emergency room for an Xray. As I had hoped, it is negative for a break. Internally, I have mixed feelings: happy, sore, worried, are on the shorter-list, just a few, there are more, Many More feeling. I work. Can I work, with this pain? I do not take pain pills. Therefore, the doctor’s prescriptions will not be needed. I can fall asleep on my own, just as easily as a newborn baby. A pain pill allows for a comfortable, sleepier-than-usual feeling, where if I’m asked anything, “I’m subject to nodding yay, in approval.” The doctor probably is thinking, what a complete fool you are, “go ahead, suffer, you’ll see, my decade in medical school is Right!” A lifetime of knowing people that routinely abuse Over-The-Counter and prescription pain pills, I conscientiously choose to stay sober. ANYWAY, I am fine, the XRays, say-so. I’ve never tried any of the popular pain pills, well once, After a dental treatment, I took the pill. A few hours passed, I was awoken and had been told that I was comatose on the sofa. I couldn’t recall, n o t h i n g.  If this is “fun” and according to an opioid epidemic, prescription drug abuse, public relations announcement, there are a lot of “fun people,” out here, repeating daily this scenario, well, who am I to say, anything, but It Ain’t For Me. However, my mother might say, “you”re as head headed as your father,” or “stupid,” as my sister would say. eh, none’ya.

It’s been a week, since the fall, and I’m still very sore. Sorer, “Is that is a word?” I have found sleeping is not as, “it used to be.” No more happy walk to bed, and jumping in. Now, I casually walk as if, “it’s a chore,” something I prefer not to do if I didn’t need to. But I want to sleep, I am tired. I hurt and no store is open. Why, do I need a store, anyway? I don’t take pills. I have some OTC pain relievers, in stock. I decide to stay awake hurting, instead of trying to fall asleep “hurting,” I Google, the best positions to sleep, when having bruised ribs: sleep on the back, or on the affected “side” Bingo! I took a 500 mg pain pill, found a pleasant side-affected position, placed a pillow appropriately close to my side for protectivon, and “Woolah!” I awoke at 8:10 am this morning, still sore, but I had slept;  as well as, I could have under the crappy circumstances. Let me take time to graciously express my utmost appreciation and Thanks to all, “to the Google users” that spent a few minutes, posting helpful hints. You have no idea, of what you’ve done for my “peace of mind.”

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